Yet Hopeful

2007-08-08T18:03:00.001-07:00

So I've moved! Sorry for the long absence. But I seriously have been submerged in things to do. It's been crazy. Running here and there...

Check out http://thefourhumours.wordpress.com/ - a co-blog of me and my 3 new housemates. :-) There will still be more personal stuff here, I'm sure, though. And pictures, soon!!!

+jordan

so... tired...

2007-07-18T23:27:00.001-07:00

We have the new house! Keys and everything. It's been keeping me incredibly busy, this whole moving-thing. It'll be Bart, Buck, Ryan, and myself, in a cozy little house. I am pretty excited about it.

God has a plan. And a good one, at that.

And I am thankful for friends that help me remember that that's the case. Good friends are hard to come by, but they're worth their weight in gold.

home for the 4th!

2007-07-05T09:59:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday night I flew home to Norcal for a little vacation. And it has been great!

In the last 36 or so hours, my sister has gotten engaged, I've had home-made ice cream and listened to good old-timey music, I've had great talks with my parents on everything from relationships to Oswald Chambers (which are not really that separate?), I've had fun with my two remaining dogs, I got a nice sunburn, I caught up with an old friend or two, I've doubled my knowledge of WWI naval history, I listened to country music, finished reading one of Colleen's novels, started reading Howl's Moving Castle (which is really well-written, by the way), picked up a copy of Erasmus/Luther: Discourse on Free Will, and borrowed The Battle of Britain, What About Bob?, JC Superstar, The Knight's Tale, and Harold Lloyd's Safety Last, for projectorness.

I am very glad for my family. I love them so much! I am greatly blessed.

Birthday!

2007-06-26T00:45:00.001-07:00

Sunday was my birthday!

It was quite the birthday, too. A friend suggested that we just declare it "Jordan's Birthday Week" (since they'd sent me the card early) and, in practice, it was at least Jordan's Birthday Weekend.

On Friday I got a projector! Much coolness. We watched Stranger Than Fiction and a few episodes each of Karas and Fawlty Towers. On Saturday, a small group of friends went to the Huntington Library and Gardens, and looked at art and plants. It was great! Tessa, Colleen, and Ryan baked me a chocolate cake with fresh raspberries, and it was excellent. Also, I was showered. I wonder how many more birthdays I'll be showered on… I think it'd be pretty funny if I'm 50 and having to defend myself against my friends and family… though it probably won't be around Mudd, of course. On Sunday itself, I went to Mass again, bummed around, watched The Iron Giant, and had a beautiful carrot cake made for me by Bart and Kristin. It was so yummy! And Dinosaur-y!

And the tea! I think I had at least 8 cups of tea over the course of the weekend, all excellent. These included some real Kenyan chai and some other loose-leaf tea that I had had sitting around for a while. What a great birthday!

A song about 25!

2007-06-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

"Are you gonna live your life wonderin’ -
standing in the back, looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time
thinkin' how you’ve grown up or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you, acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Even at 25, you gotta start somewhere.

I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I want to always feel like part of this was mine.
I want to fall in love tonight.

Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.
Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Stick around, nostalgia won't let you down.
Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?

I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
Here tonight.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine -
I wanna fall in love tonight."

- Jimmy Eat World, "Praise Chorus"

a new site!

2007-06-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
It's been a while since I've posted, but here's something I've been up to:

Good words!

I created my very own wikipedia-like site on stuff related to God - the Bible, various books, social justice things happening... it has a forum, as well, on which to discuss profound thoughts (yours and others').

You must be a member of the wikidot site to join the wiki, but it's free, and you'll also need the password, which you can ask me for (or just tell me your username on the site and I'll give you permission).

Enjoy!

Also, it looks like we may at least be reaching a decision on where to live for the next year... but we still haven't even submitted the applications. :-p
We're working on it, at least.

God must be up to something good:

2007-06-06T21:28:00.001-07:00

See below.

Meh.

2007-06-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

"And the questions rise
Expectations fall
In light of it all."

Too much excitement today?

I went out around 1 to tour a house that I might move into this summer, for the next year or so, with Bart, Buck, David, and Ryan. Hehe. It was small-ish but nice; we'll see if it's the kind of thing that could work out.

For dinner I went out with Greg, Charissa, and Lexie. Pie'n'Burger lived up to its name (in reverse order?) as we had burgers, and then pie.

But now I am "home," and melancholy. How do you follow your dreams when you don't know what or where they are? Or when you do know what they are, but know that whether or not they happen depends on factors completely outside your control, and so you can't actually follow them actively?

I am one of the real sojourners here, I think - I'm just passing through, a stranger to my own life.

Some people and I were discussing epitaphs the other day and somebody said they'd like John 11:25-27, which I thought was cool. Somebody else was really nice and thought mine should be Chesterton's quote "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly." While I might wish for that to be applicable, I can at least hope that mine may end up Chesterton's "Things that are worth doing are worth doing badly," but I worry that it's most likely to read something like "Jordan: he never quite figured out what he was doing here or how to really live."

I've forgotten how to love, how to be myself, how to just be happy. I'm spontaneous now because I don't care what I do; I make jokes now because I really can't bear to take anything seriously; I find myself doing nothing because I'm too worn and weary to do the things I'd really like to do. And I can't do the things I'd like to do anyhow.

And it's all just slipping by. My life has progressed in what looks like a forward direction only because no other doors have ever been open to me. I'm in a house that was the first spot that opened up. I'm in a job that was the only place that would hire me. I'm alone... for obvious reasons, and I'd rather not be. I haven't ever applied to missions organizations or IV or whatnot because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't take me... and I guess I'm the kind of neighbor people don't want help from - another nerdy white male. There are too many like me for me to stand out; too few for me to feel like I fit in; and we've done enough harm in the world for me to always have something to be guilty about.

Maybe it's because I'm nearing a quarter-century, maybe it's because I've been alone for too long, maybe it's because work has been a pain lately, or maybe it's because God has had to lead me along by the nose for my own good. But I find it harder and harder to be joyful. Something has to change.

Maybe new housing will help. Even with this, though, I am finding it very hard to be hopeful and truly look forward to it... something tells me it will be a hard year ahead, perhaps the hardest yet. God, be with me. Show me something Good when I least expect it; show me the life you have for me, and let that be enough.

I never figured "man of action" could apply to me

2007-05-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

Gosh, time has flown by again. In work and leisure, much has been happening.

My boss is out of town giving his presentation this week, so that lets up some pressure from me for the time being.

And as far as the leisure activities go, the busy-ness has been very relaxing. I've gotten to go hiking on the last two weekends, up Mt. Baldy and also at the botanical gardens in Claremont. Also in the mix have been a lot of good tea, good food, and good friends. For example, in the past two weeks, I have gotten to spend time with (in roughly chronological order): Hansford, Jay, Brian, Summer, Shawna, Beth (and her co-workers and housemates), Thomas, Cathy, Bart, Kristin, Tessa, Peter, Kathryn, Ryan, Jimmy and Suzanne and Nate, Mr. and Mrs. Sarah Noyes, Gracie, Melissa, Nate L., Casey, Charissa, Lexie, David, Andrew, and last but not definitely not least, Greg. Plus, I may see Mina and Martha this week. :-)

So yeah. Whew! And yay! On top of all that, I've ended up watching the first couple episodes of Gilmore Girls (I kinda like Sookie better than the leads, is that odd?), and to cancel that out, Band of Brothers, and for just weirdness' sake, this random anime series about boxing. Also, I saw Pirates 3… and I would refer you all to the "Ask a Ninja" review, which I think sums it up nicely. On Friday we watched The Shawshank Redemption, which singlehandedly more than made up for Pirates 3 and Spiderman 3 – it turns out movies can be worthwhile, after all. But now I have to find a new reason to look at Ryan funny (before, it was because he hadn't seen Shawshank, but now, that has been remedied).

Anyhow, I blew up a reactor at work today. It was more of a problem of physics (or maybe engineering?) than chemistry - pressurized water built up in the cooling jacket - but when you're not expecting it, well… I guess you could say this week started with a bang. Thankfully no real harm was done. But still. It was definitely today's allotment of excitement and humility. Also, it reminded me – who wants to have a water-fight this summer sometime?

To close, a not-so-random question:
What do you do, when even in your dreams, people find you "repugnant"?

I don't have dreams about being embarrassed or being chased – my worst ones are true-to-life. How is anybody supposed to be a whole person when we are constantly, inside and out, being torn down? The world is so twisted, what hope do we ugly, lame, parched and gnarled folks have for happiness? God, break me completely, that I might live only in your strength and care for nothing but your presence; break my chains, that my spirit may live carefree in hope in you. And let me dream of truth and goodness, not lies or damned muck.

On the plus side, I have had some very encouraging conversations lately, too, thank God." But I will yet praise him for both good and bad conversations, both good tea and broken reactors, and both good and bad dreams – God knows what I need, and what my heart desires, and how to get me to have him ever before me in both categories.

Back!

2007-05-17T22:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, fine, you've found me out, I've really been back from London for about a week.

But what a week!

Last weekend, Claremont folks had their graduation, and a hearty congrats goes out to Renee, Martha, Josiah, Heather, Bart, Buck, and Mina (in alphabetical order, of course)!

I jumped headlong into work again on Monday, as well. Literally, my boss handed me the memo first thing on Monday morning, and I have had very full days each day this week trying to get it all done. I guess that's what happens when you go on vacation for a week and a half and your boss has time to just think and reflect on what to work on next. :-)

Photos! From my trip, for those of you who may not have seen them yet - they're up on Facebook, but if you follow these links, you should be able to see the photos even if you hate facebook with a completely irrational passion:

London, Part 1. Whee!
London, Part 2. The adventure continues!
London, Part 3. The exciting conclusion!

Several places wouldn't let me take photos (boo!), but I didn't mind, because they were very right to do so. These included inside Westminster Abbey (So there are no photos of me with Shakespeare, Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, GMH, Disraeli, or Queen Elizabeth I, sorry) and also the Holocaust exhibit inside the Imperial War Museum. There really aren't words for that.

But I'll go into more detail about the trip later, or if you ask me in person!
I am a little tired, and I hurt my foot tonight while trying to run with Jay. :-( I hope I am better in time for a hike up Mt. Baldy this Saturday. We shall see.

Peace to you all from the God who gives it.

Great Britain

2007-05-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for London! I'm excited, as most of you can probably tell, because most of you have heard me going on about it lately. I'll be there for a week - so expect more than my usual amount of interweb absenteeism.

I'm going with John, my best friend from high school. One of the few, the proud - the guys I have actually threatened with physical violence for their own good. From discussions on philosophy to ones about movies (and sometimes both at once), he is always game, and always actually cares what I have to say. Well, most of the time, anyhow. :-) Let's just say I'm looking forward to getting to see him in person for more than one day per year (like we've averaged lately).

Thanks to Jay's help, I've been running pretty regularly. I like it.

I realize I have been silent lately in the blog-space. I have continued to praise God in all things, and am still "yet hopeful," so don't worry. Much has happened lately, and yet nothing. I will have pictures and such from my trip, though, soon. And if I have any grand life-changing experiences, I will see about conveying those as well. That'd be easier over tea, though, than written on here.

God is good. Nothing has changed about that, definitely. May our hearts continue to find peace, rest, and strength in him.

Consecrate

2007-04-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

Fall into the world
Feel, and taste
The captivating motion.
I'm just a dog with some extra rope in my pocket
Who's strayed away

But not too far, not too far away.

Lord, you know my heart
But you also know how hard it is to start these things,
To start these things.

And after all that I have seen, I have found it can't compare to You
No way to find
Peace of mind, in a world like this -
And so I come to consecrate
Myself to You.

Eyes of elusive iridescence
Are looking at me,
They're looking through me

I found myself in another,
Then I found myself lost from You
When will I learn?
When will I trust in You?

But after all that I have seen, I have found it can't compare to You
No way to find peace of mind
in a world like this
So I come to consecrate...

Take my life and let me be
Your vessel
Your instrument
Your hand, of grace.

All my life
Seems to be a circle:
I try, I fall, I try - then fall again.
But patiently You wait for me
In the midst of my philosophy, you call
I hear your voice - I hear your voice

And after all that I have seen, I have found it can't compare to You
No way to find
Peace of mind
In a world like this.
And so I come to consecrate myself to You.

- How's Kelly, "Consecrate"

I love this song. This band in general. If you want to hear this or other of their songs, just let me know.

as usual... it's been too long

2007-04-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

I've been too busy with living life and contemplating life to post much in the last couple weeks. I have been busy, sick, traveling, working overtime, going to parties... I have some excuses for not blogging.

But I know you will forgive my absence. You always do. :-)

I went home the weekend before last (Palm Sunday) to northern CA. It was nice and relaxing, but all too short. I did get to help my dad build a life-size cross out of 4x6 beams... that was interesting, driving in to church on Sunday with a cross strapped to the roof of our Jeep. I'll bet Jesus wished he had a Jeep.

And I got to play settlers with my sister, her beau Sascha, and my mom. No surprises there; my sister won. And, of course, she was the very image of graciousness in victory.
"In your FACE!!" - Jillian

But after that weekend, I was wiped out. (Thanks to Link for rides to- and from- Ontario airport.) I went in to work on that Monday but I ended up taking a half-sick-day in the afternoon. And, of course, I had my annual physical scheduled for the next morning. I was feeling better, thankfully, and the doctor said I was normal - but I'm thinking of getting a second opinion. ;-)

Anyhow. I've been privy to some good entertainment lately, at least. This last weekend, for Easter, we had a group get together to watch Ben Hur. So freakin' classic. I love it.
On Friday, a group of folks similarly gathered to watch a production (live!) of Hamlet. Also crazily classic. It was a great show! The actors, though students, were the best I've seen in some of the roles - the Hamlet, Polonius, and dead-king-Hamlet, especially, not to mention that messenger at the end who brought the news that Rosencranz and Guildenstern were dead. It all felt very natural, which is odd, for Shakespeare. Also, I got to see "Meet the Robinsons" (a movie out at the moment) a week or two ago. It's good. I'd go see it again if any of you want to make an outing of it.

My days have been pleasantly occupied, conversing with good friends and family, enjoying coffee or tea or beers with the same, and generally trying to enjoy God and appreciate Him more. I am thankful that Easter has come, and celebration is okay again. Jesus came to give life, and that abundantly. His death, His glory; all was done out of love for us. When will we learn that we need nothing more?

Thanks for reading! I'll post some funny things from the last few days soon, I hope. Let me ponder and get back to you.

Okay, you found me out: Charlotte Bronte is my alter ego

2007-03-23T19:47:00.002-07:00

You can tell she and I share a common spirit, even just in our use of semicolons. She narrates my life, with a slight accent and a better vocabulary than my own. ;-)

But seriously, this part of Jane Eyre really caught my attention - is this Jane's fortune being told, or my own? I find myself in a sort of paradox; I think it'd be great to emulate Mr. Rochester (in personality, if not in circumstances), but I find myself instead sharing traits with Jane, which, while not a bad thing at all, may wind up being barriers to my happiness...

Read on! This is the fortune-teller talking to Jane:

"Your fortune is yet doubtful; when I examined your face, one trait contradicted another. Chance has meted you a measure of happiness; that I know. I knew it before you came here this evening. She has laid it carefully on one side for you; I saw her do it; it depends on yourself to stretch out your hand, and take it up; but whether you will do so, is the problem I study...
"The flame flickers in the eye - the eye shines like dew; it looks soft and full of feeling - it smiles at my jargon - it is susceptible; impression follows impression through its clear sphere; when it ceases to smile it is sad - an unconscious lassitude weighs on the lid, that signifies melancholy resulting from loneliness; it turns from me; it will not suffer further scrutiny; it seems to deny, by a mocking glance, the truth of the discoveries I have already made - to disown the charge both of sensibility and chagrin; its pride and reserve only confirm me in my opinion. The eye is favorable.
"As to the mouth, it delights at times in laughter; it is disposed to impart all that the brain conceives, though, I dare say, it would be silent on much the heart experiences. Mobile and flexible, it was never intended to be compressed in the eternal silence of solitude; it is a mouth which should speak much and smile often, and have human affection for its interlocutor. This feature also is propitious.
"I see no enemy to a fortunate issue but in the brow; and that brow professes to say - 'I can live alone, if self-respect and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure, born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.' The forehead declares, 'Reason sits firm and holds the reigns, and she will not let the feelings burst away and hurry her to wild chasms. The passions may rage furiously, like true heathens, as they are; and the desires may imagine all sorts of vain things: but judgment shall still have the last word in every argument, and the casting vote in every decision. Strong wind, earthquake-shock, and fire may pass by: but I shall follow the guiding of that still small voice which interprets the dictates of conscience.'
"Well said, forehead; your declaration shall be respected."

- the fortune-teller, in Jane Eyre

Jordan the Politico

2007-03-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

So I'm usually not much into posting on politics.

However, a friend of mine has been doing a lot of research on upcoming candidates - their past records and their statements about the poor, here and abroad. This deserves some recognition, and so if you haven't read it yet, it's at http://galatians210.blogspot.com/index.html.

My state of residence was disarray…

2007-03-19T18:13:00.000-07:00

Man, it's hard to feel hopeful and incomplacent at the same time. When I stop goofing around, my life catches up to me and I feel a bit overwhelmed by directionlessness and uselessness. I cry out to God to show me purpose and vision beyond what I see with my everyday eyes. He is a good God, doing more than I could ask or imagine; I know exciting things must be happening somewhere in the world, and if they do turn out to be happening right where I'm living now, I pray for eyes to see them, and the chance to be even a small part of them.

In a similar vein, a friend has said one must wait for a heroic love (in the context of romantic relationships), a love that strongly binds and fiercely defends. This is in opposition to settling for the usual chick-flick-style drama of "boy messes things up, she gets mad, he apologizes, will they / won't they, and then they do." I could not agree more. It's an intimidatingly scary thing, though, both to wait, and also to love like heroes! I am not sure I am ready or able to love heroically, though I pray that I find the courage and strength to do so. I fear I am more the type to love Romantically… passionately, longingly, tragically, sacrificially, and unrequitedly. May God prove my fears, as always, to be unfounded.

In other news, I saw "The Battle of Algiers" over the weekend. (Don't look for it on Fandango, look on Netflix - it was made in 1965.) The review said it is "astonishingly relevant" today, and I suppose you can judge for yourself if you see it. I found it to be true, though… For a movie in French from forty years ago, it's especially surprising. Has America turned into Imperialist France from fifty years ago? I'd say maybe more so than we'd like to admit.

By the 1950s, France had been the colonial power in Algeria for more than a hundred years already. The city of Algiers was divided, though, into the European Quarter and the Islamic Algerian rest of the city. An independence/resistance movement started up and began terrorist activities to kick out the French… the movie tells the tale of the man who ends up leading the resistance movement, and the various criminal tactics they employ, and the escalation that occurs as France decides to send in troops to "interrogate" suspects and destroy the organization. I won't say how it turns out… but I will say that the issues of Muslim/Western culture clashes, the use of torture, the western power just trying to police the city and keep the peace, the facelessness of a terrorist enemy (the actual organization in the movie is mainly 4 guys, but there's 400,000 native Algerians in the city that are all suspects, as each could be carrying bombs or whatnot), and the ease with which both sides slip from their high ideals into prejudice, hatred, and crimes against humanity – all these are definitely "astonishingly relevant." And for a movie made only 4 years after Algeria actually gained its independence… it's amazingly even-handed. It definitely helps explain the current French attitude a little better. I think it should be required viewing for world leaders today.

Not much else is new. I get to go up to the bay area in two weeks! And London in less than 2 months... much craziness.

localized randomness

2007-02-21T22:36:00.000-08:00

Another week gone by...

I was very thankful for the extra day to spend relaxing, courtesy of Washington and Lincoln. It was a beautiful day, and among other activities, I finally got to see "Pan's Labyrinth" (which is kind of like "Narnia" meets "Donnie Darko" meets "Amelie," except in Spanish). Needless to say, I liked it a lot.

Also this last weekend included some quality time spent with Dave G and my fellow claremont folks - and a great Lizst/Mussorgsky piano recital courtesy of Dr. Huang. Good stuff - I've always liked those impressionist composers.

But now, to the true reason for my posting. I believe I can truly say I've left the world a better place, after a realization this morning - namely:

Yoda quotes are the perfect answer to all those questions you never want to hear.

Let me explain, by way of examples. First, a classic -

"Does this make me look fat?"

Previously, there did not exist a good answer to this question, but now, try the following:

"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not."

An incredibly appropriate answer. And, the better you can do the voice, the more likely you are to have completely escaped your untimely death.

Another example, lest you still doubt:

"Shouldn't we stop and ask for directions?"
To which, one need only reply:
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

And of course there are more:
"Can my mother stay with us for a while?"
"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. "

"Have you cleaned the bathroom like I asked?"
"Around the survivors a perimeter create."

"Have you thought about where this relationship is headed?"
“Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.”

Okay, so maybe that last one was less spot-on. And maybe these are more helpful(?) to guys. But Yoda works for the ladies, too!

"So, tonight, what will I find for dinner?"
"Only what you take with you."

"Have you seen the remote?"
"Lost a planet Master Obi-wan has. How embarrassing."

"Is that a grey hair?"
"When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not."

"How about those Bears?"
"Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see."

Needless to say, I am honored to be able to bestow this wisdom on you the faithful readers.
Remember the one rule, though, if you are going to try to quote Yoda:
"Do or do not. There is no try."

Saint Valentine has got to be turning in his grave...

2007-02-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been a little subdued lately.

This weekend I went ATV-ing with Jacob, Sarah, and Ryan - it was tons of fun, and my first time out on the sand dunes. It was very exciting and decidedly un-subdued. I came back, though, on Sunday night, already so incredibly sore from the workout that I could barely walk. I'm still a little sore.

Next weekend is a three-day weekend. I'm looking forward to that. Anybody want to do anything?

Not much has been up. No changes here; I long ago discovered I do things at my own pace regardless of holidays, milestones, or social convention. Moreover, I think this stems from a deep desire to do things at God's pace... and I guess he's been slow, lately, too.

I had time to read while not on ATVs this weekend (Jacob's family only owns two, so we couldn't all be out at once) and so I'm a little further in Eldest, and also in "Of God and Men" by A.W. Tozer. Tozer is very convicting and, unfortunately, bad trends he observed back in the 1950s have not reversed themselves since...

"Americans are not naturally an unenthusiastic people... We walk faster, drive faster, earn more, spend more and run a higher blood pressure than any other people in the world.
In only one field of human interest are we slow and apathetic: that is the field of personal religion... So we find this strange and contradictory situation: a world of noisy, headlong religious activity carried on without moral energy or spiritual fervor.
The flush and excitement of the soul in love must be sought in the New Testament or in the biographies of the saints; we look for them in vain among the professed followers of Christ in our day."

Also, I had a great time driving to San Diego and back with Ryan. On the way there, we listened to John Cleese read The Screwtape Letters (yay books on tape!) and I was reminded again of how incredible that book is. On the way back, we had a very timely discussion on the prospect of being single Christian guys and how difficult and awesome that can be. It was a Good time.

Words to the wise in this crazy season:
1. Don't complain about the lack of available "good" members of the opposite gender. You are always wrong, and you just end up seeming bitter and thoughtless. Especially when you complain to members of the opposite gender who happen to be single.
2. Be honest with God and yourself, even if that involves yelling. He will understand.
3. Read 1 Cor. 13:4-8 and remember that it's talking about love for everyone, charity (agape).
4. Remember you are never alone, always loved, and eternally embraced.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." - 1 Cor. 13:12.

"If your patient is aware that horrors may be in store for him, and is praying for the virtues wherewith to meet them, and meanwhile, concerning himself with the present, because there and there alone all duty, all grace, all knowledge, and all pleasure dwell - his state is very undesirable and should be attacked at once. Here again, our philological arm has done good work: try the word "complacency" on him. But of course, it is most likely that he is living in the present for none of these reasons but simply because his health is good and he is enjoying his work. The phenomenon would then be merely natural. All the same, I should break it up if I were you. No natural phenomenon is really in our favor; and anyway, why should the creature be happy?

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape"

Self explanatory?

2007-02-06T23:53:00.000-08:00

No, I don't have a cat. Nor am I suddenly a cat person. But cats do seem to lend themselves to photography and amusing captions, which I can appreciate.

on life, and sketchiness.

2007-01-23T22:01:00.000-08:00

So here's the deal. I love God. And Jesus.

And I strive to be last.

As a result, I weird people out. Jesus says this is a normal reaction; I tend to agree.

I am the odd one out. I am the sketchy one; I have no circle of friends, no girlfriend, no easy quick answer for why I'm here or where I'm going. I don't belong here.

Alone in LA, I am not busy. I honestly do have time for you; very rarely is anybody interrupting me. After many long years that were not like this, I am happy to be at such a place. If you want to talk, or need a ride, or anything, really - I will do my best.

I like life. I like sunrises and sunsets; clouds, trees, and birds. God's given me bouquets the size of fields, paintings the size of the sky, and music from oceans and crickets and everything in-between. I often get the feeling that something happens for the sole reason that I would see it and praise God and just stand in awe. I try to make sure as many people as possible get chances to do the same; it's a standing offer for anyone who'd like to just sit or walk or run with me and just take it all in.

I like people. This is probably the weirdest thing about me. People who have mocked me, deserted me, been callous towards me - I can actually be happy for them when good things come their way. I can hold a grudge with the best of them, don't get me wrong - but praise God that he's helped me avoid keeping any good record of wrongs. And how much more so for my friends - I am fiercely loyal. You probably know this already.

God has led me down an odd path. I find myself an unplanned and unfunded missionary; a broken and frail bastion of strength; a lazy and undisciplined persevere-r; a sarcastic and cynical optimist; and a lonely and independent member of the Body. He's shown me that you don't have to travel overseas to be completely out of your culture and comfort zone. And he's shown me that for those he loves, everything can still sometimes fall apart. Martyrs and saints were only doing what didn't come naturally... sometimes the greatest blessing God gives you involves taking away everything else he's given you up to this point.

So what can I say? I'm me. No, I don't have it all together; sometimes I need to just spend an afternoon reading Calvin and Hobbes, or Calvin, and Hobbes. No, I don't keep up appearances; I may feel kinda bad about heading to church in jeans and a t-shirt, but I know God sees hearts. Nope, I don't stay emotionally unattached, that's no way to live. As a good friend and I were talking about just last night, God did not say anything anywhere about 'helping those who help themselves' - rather, he came for the sick, not the well. So yep, I am dorky/sketchy/messy/awkward/broken, and I heartily recommend it. Praise God for anything that keeps you leaning on His love and that helps you see it more clearly.

Yay for 2007!

2007-01-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

So it's a new year. Last year, I summed things up with a dichotomy of two songs: this year I'll do the same – in my worse moments I feel exactly in resonance with "Perfect Situation" by Weezer, but mostly I feel like "Lead of Love" by Caedmon's Call (lyrics to both follow).

A lot has happened since I last posted, but now I find myself back in Pasadena, still workin' hard and trying to find things to do with my evenings/weekends. I had a good talk with Rob last night, and it was a good reminder that our first goal is just to know Christ so we can show him to others, wherever we are – discerning if he wants us to change our circumstances to do so is a secondary thing.

I was home for Christmas, which was really nice and relaxing. There was much good food, WAY too much chocolate, and I was beginning to feel like a real full-fledged adult part of the family, which is kinda new.

Then, I went to Hawaii! The main purpose was to see Michy and Brian wed, but I had a couple days on either side of that happy event in which to see the various parts of Oahu. I'd never been, before. It was also very relaxing, when the sea was being nice, and I got to snorkel and hike and see lots of old friends who had also traveled out there for the wedding. Shout outs to Lizard, Daniel, River, Cathy, and One, whom I was happy to see especially since they've been more than a thousand miles away from me for way more than a year. One of the highlights of the wedding (besides the fact that Michy and Brian are married!) was getting to be a part of a quartet toasting the groom - we sang "Brian" (to the tune of "My Girl") (at One's request here reprinted):

"He's got Linux, installed on his PC,
and when I need a cord, he's got six there for me.
I guess you'd say his pockets are full today!
Brian, Brian, Brian, talkin' bout Brian... Brian!

He's got so much memory, the geeks envy him
And Michelle thinks he's pretty, though his hair got a trim
I guess he'd say, "Green's a great shirt for today!"
Brian, Brian, Brian, talkin' bout Brian... Brian!

He likes root beer, and double espressos
And he'll stick with Michelle, through the highs and the lows
I guess she'd say, "What can make me feel this way?"
Brian, Brian, Brian, talkin' bout Brian... Brian!"

The quartet was Greg, Jon, James and myself. It was a lot of fun.

Obligatory photos of Hawaii:
Fig. 1: The view from the rim of Diamond Head Crater - that's Honolulu out there with all the tall buildings. It's a very vertical city.

Fig. 2: It rained a bit while we were there, but the wedding itself was nice and clear, and it just meant there were lots of rainbows around.

Fig. 3: This is Manoa Falls, which Jon, Cathy, Sharon, Ed and I hiked to... in the rain. We got soaked, but it was tons of fun. This close, it was hard to tell whether the drops falling on us were from the rain, or the waterfall. :-)

So I gotta ask if anybody else out there has seen District B13 - it's a french action film... with a soundtrack that includes angry french rap, and the sport parkour... it's a great movie. :-)

Lastly... my two songs from 2006:

First, Weezer - such an impassioned song...

"What's the deal, with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation, I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight,
All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero... but I'm a zero.

Hungry nights, once again, now it's getting unbelievable
Because I could not have it better, but I just can't get no play
from the girls all around, as they search the night for someone to hold on to.
I just pass through.
Singin' Oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oooohhhh

Get your hands off the girl, can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has and so she starts to wander...
Can you blame her?
Singin' Oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oooohhhh

Tell me there's a logic out there
Leading me to better prepare
For the day when something really special might come
Tell me there's some hope for me
I don't want to be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.
Woooaaaaa!
Singin' Oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oooohhhh" - "Perfect Situation" - Weezer

And in my better moments, Caedmon's Call:

"Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight.
Looking back it is clear to me
That man is more than the sum of his genes
And how You make good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery.

Looking back you know you had to bring me through
All that I was
So afraid of
Though I questioned the sky
Now I see why
I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back, I see the lead of love.

Looking back I can finally see
My failures bring humility -
Brings me to my knees
Helps me see my need for thee.
Looking back you know you had to bring me through
All that I was, so afraid of,
Though I questioned the sky
Now I see why
I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back, I see the lead of love." - "Lead of Love" - Caedmon's Call

Here's to 2007 - may it be a better year than 2006 in all regards, for all of us! :-)

Parrots of Destruction!

2006-12-21T22:09:00.000-08:00

it's been a crazy week.

So, I was out in Claremont last weekend, to celebrate their end of the semester. I got to eat dinner with Buck, Heather, Mina, and Philip and Dave G. We saw Eragon, too, which was... well, not Narnia. Nor LOTR. But also not bad.

Saturday morning found me wandering the streets of C-town when suddenly I was intrigued by a very loud and slightly-familiar noise... lots of parrots! Yep! Wild Parrots of Claremont, baby! And there were literally several hundred of them in a park near Foothill. They were making a TON of noise, and were in the process of kicking out (yep, kicking out) the local crows. Did I mention there were HUNDREDS OF PARROTS ALONG FOOTHILL BLVD IN CLAREMONT? It was crazy. Here are some photos:

Fig. 1: Every tree around the border of the soccer field looked like this... I should stress that it was noisy and that there was a ridiculous number of birds.
Fig 2: Here is one caught by himself... there is a crow further down the line he proceeded to chase off. It was quite the turf war.
Fig 3: It was seriously like something out of "Birds."

In other news, my sister is in Germany! For pretty much the month of December. She is visiting her german boyfriend Sascha - here is the little town where he grew up, and my sister, who is definitely enjoying herself. I am very happy for her! She's quite the sister.

Fig 4: Jilly, and Biberach. I saw the photo and thought, dang! she is living the dream.

Fig. 5: His front door... his family has been really welcoming and they stuck a photo of Jill and Sascha on the door for when they arrived. So cute.

Speaking of cute, this... is a Mini Cooper... belonging to a friend I know at Mudd. It was pranked... and I have to say, that, for being a 3M and not an Avery product, those Post-Its really do make a nice addition to an already stylish car:

Fig 6: The most colorful Mini in the world... note the checkered roof, even. I was not a part of this prank but I heartily applaud whomever it was who had WAY too much time on their hands. :-)

I haven't had much time even to think, this week. Tomorrow I fly north to the Bay Area, and I'm looking forward to seeing my family. And on Wednesday I'm flying out to Hawai'i for Michy and Brian's wedding! I am psyched for them, and excited to get to tour around Oahu with some good friends. I'm sure I will have many more photos and tales to tell when I return in the New Year! Meanwhile, to anybody reading this, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Remember:
"No one is a failure who has friends."
and
"This is Love, that a man should lay down his life for his friends." From before he was born down here, Jesus' life was all about us... making it so that rather than being mere servants of God, we could be able to call him Father.

We are loved. Whether it's through the waves on the beaches in Hawai'i, through crowds of colorful parrots, or through the Christmas story itself... let yourself be reminded that God is the giver of all good things, and that he's madly in love with you.

work-stuff

2006-12-14T17:32:00.001-08:00

Things have been interesting lately. Several observations of late:

I have done more christmas shopping this year than ever before. This is a good thing. I am truly thankful for the chance to give cool things to my friends.

For the first time, I was not carded for alcohol... sigh.

I'm currently working on my third alcoholic beverage in as many weeks - this has got to be some sort of record for me. :-) Also: beer and taquitos, baby. Oh yeah.

Brenhaug's bachelor party was last weekend. Poor guy, going and getting married like that... thankfully I get to go to Hawaii (in 2 weeks!) and go to the wedding - Michy and Brian are great, individually, and together.

Work has had a "secret santa" thing over the last week - it's been crazy-fun. In addition to tons of chocolate, I received a snow-globe with like ten puppies around it ( =overload of cuteness), a glass chess set, and a "The Office" calendar. I think everybody who participated felt as loved as I did - and it felt really good to give, as well.

Speaking of work, here's a photo taken by our Safety Coordinator, who was documenting the state of things in lab and decided that Lizbeth and myself were also worthy of record. Anyhow, I thought it captured us quite well:

(Fig. 1: Liz shows me how to run the DMA, or "Dynamic Mechanical Analysis" machine. Oh, it's as exciting as it sounds, trust me.)

Love...

2006-12-13T00:54:00.000-08:00

Love advice from the Jordy:

"I've had a lot of conversations that did not go as I would have liked... but only very few that I really regret having."
***

"I have felt various levels of attachment to multiple females at once, before... I dunno about polygamy, though... I'm still looking for even one."
***

"If you have good reason why God may be opposed to such a match-up... then your choice has already been made for you."
***

"I suppose you could say that real love may make one do silly or preposterous things... but not unwise things."
***

"You (hopefully?) have a very different road ahead of you than my own. :-)"
***

"Wait until you find somebody that your heart and brain can agree on."
***

All of those are things I've said, on different occasions. Some thoughts from wiser folk than I:

"Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." - G.K. Chesterton

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." - C.S. Lewis

"And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her." - Genesis 29:20

"Open rebuke is better than secret love." - Proverbs 27:5

(This follows the Scripture not because it is greater but because this is long, and because it's, well, very apt.)

"Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same.
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of our futures -
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain.

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around -
But you know I know better,
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay.
Given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
And see which one keeps me up all night and into the day.

Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in -
It's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call...

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt.

You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep."
- "Table for Two"

Rain!!!

2006-12-09T23:28:00.000-08:00

It is raining in SoCal! Woot!

And, I got to drive home in it, from a great party down at the Brocks' place in Long Beach. It was overall a very fun evening involving many old and a couple new friends, Taboo, chocolate-dipped fruit, a couple different kinds of cheese, and some apple cider. On the way home, I benefited from my "Night-Driving" playlist... the first song up was a perfect one for the first rainy day in a long while... and a good example of why you should carry around an umbrella.

"Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say,
'please share my umbrella.'
Bus stop, bus go, she stays, love grows
under my umbrella.
All that summer we enjoyed it
Wind and rain... and shine
That umbrella, we employed it
By August she was mine

Every morning I would see her waiting at the stop
Sometimes she'd shop and she would show me what she bought
All the people stared as if we were both quite insane
Someday my name and hers are going to be the same

That's the way the whole thing started
Silly, but it's true;
Thinking of a sweet romance
Beginning in a queue.
Came the sun, the ice was melting
No more sheltering, now
Nice to think that that umbrella
Led me to a vow." - The Hollies, "Bus Stop"

Good ol' sentimental Hollies. :-) Also, I've found that it's a great feeling when a Linkin Park song starts up and it's in time with your windshield wipers. It worked out well.

Anyhow, other recent events include Brenhaug's bachelor party, my acquisition of some new Legos, and some major Christmas shopping (during which I ran into an old friend from high school, even - it's funny when the clerk at Borders comments on a book you're purchasing from the "religion" section... and he's met the author... and he's a theology student at Fuller... and a guy who went to your high school whom you haven't seen in 6 years). It's been good times. But for now, I'm tired.

Buying gifts is fun. I worry that I may have inherited my grandmother's addiction to buying stuff for other people. :-)

some photos, etc.

2006-11-28T21:39:00.000-08:00

So I decided it was about time to offload some pictures from my camera/phone. :-)
First off, Happy Belated Birthday to Martha, who is at the top, here:

And Renee, bottom-middle, has a birthday on this Friday... but shhh.

Next, some photos of my apartment, and my incredibly clean room! I am so proud of my room - thank you to my parents who were visiting and caused the massive pre-visit cleanup. It feels much nicer to live in my own room now. This first photo is my living room - it's an old photo, from before I really moved much of my stuff in...

Next, my newly-organized dresser-top of cool stuff:

Also visible from this angle...

But not this one. :-)
Lastly, some photos of clouds recently - Pasadena can be pretty, I suppose.

And congrats to these two, who are now engaged! Yay!

My feminine side, and more lyrics

2006-11-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not very macho:

I've been involved in baking adventures both of the last two weekends...
I put up a collage on my wall of various cards and postcards I've received over the last year, each one from a different person, and it's by my door so I'll see them as I head out of my room each morning...
At the moment, I'm listening to "I'm Just a Girl" by No Doubt...
I've spent the evening cooking, cleaning, and folding clothes...
I have a fuzzy green sweater that is the softest sweater in the world, and I'm hoping the weather gets cooler so I can wear it...
Buying my own food is fun - it's Eggnog season again! Also, I've discovered that getting a loaf of raisin bread is worth it because when it's just me around the house, I'll toast it and eat it, whereas a normal loaf of bread lasts me long past when the bread goes stale. And what's up with me finally liking vanilla yogurt? did they just recently put flavoring in it so that it tastes good, or what? Lastly, three words: Heath Klondike Bars.

Anyhow.
My family arrives tomorrow from NorCal! Yay!

So Greg corrected me - in the last post, I mentioned him saying he was born to be in his mid-twenties - really, he believes he will be hitting his stride in his late twenties. So he has a ways to go, yet.
A friend of mine voiced the opinion that if Greg was born to be in his late twenties, perhaps I was born to be eight (playing with Lego, etc). :-) It may be so, and if so, I am long past my prime... but at least I still get to play with Lego. Besides, as C.S. Lewis said, "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." There are far worse fates than being perpetually an eight-year-old.

And Caedmon's Call still rocks. In the spirit of Thanksgiving:

"You know I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
But you know I had to laugh that the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plaguing me still
I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase

'Cause no, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who see God
No not one, I said no, not one

So I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing

'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause by grace I have been saved
Through faith that's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast"

Blog-time again

2006-11-20T17:56:00.000-08:00

I had another lovely weekend. I got to hang out with folks from work on Friday evening, and then Saturday was Greg's slightly late birthday party, and in the evening I had fun at Claremont, and then Sunday was nice and relaxing and I went with Josiah and Bart to see the new Bond film.

Where to start?

I hear the very beginning is a good place to start. About ten of us went to El Toritos after work on Friday - it'd been a long time since I just sat around a table with people having margaritas. One of them brought a friend, and since we were seated at the end of the rectangular table, I got to meet this new person. It brought into sharper relief the degree of introversion amongst my friends - she was definitely an extrovert and we traded questions back and forth - it's not often I really get grilled about who I am (besides maybe just stuff about work).

Anyhow, one of her questions was, "so, do you meditate?" My rather clumsy answer was, "well, I'm Christian, so I pray, which I guess is similar." I'm curious as to how my readers would answer that, though.
I kept thinking about the similarities and differences there. I mean, I know prayer and meditation have many differences, the chief one being that one is directed to God, and the other is just inward. But I think it's kinda silly that to most Americans, "prayer" connotes this rather formulaic and powerless thing, while "meditation" is this deep spiritual experience that really lets you get in touch with yourself and in touch with reality. Obviously, to me and hopefully to you, too, prayer is where that truly happens - where I get reminded of the reality of God and see myself rightly. It doesn't involve going into some sort of trance, and may or may not have incense or repeated phrases, which is nice, because it means that even while I'm at work, say, I can talk to Jesus while I'm cleaning glassware, and it's a refreshing time. But I really want to fight this stereotype that monks from Japan or China or Tibet have these super-spiritual experiences and uber-holy lifestyles, while Christians just have wordy and shallow prayers where nothing really happens.
And of course, the footnote to this discussion is that yes, such a stereotype does exist, no, it is not true of real prayer, but also yes, it does represent a major failing of "American Christianity" that so many of our prayers are mainly meaningless, unspiritual, and done without appropriate deference to the fact that, in prayer, you are TALKING WITH GOD.

On an entirely different note, Greg is 25! He was born to be in his mid-twenties, or so he says. :-) It was a fun celebration on Saturday; it was a large crowd that went to see "Little Miss Sunshine" with him and hang out before and afterwards. I got to see Brian and Michy, Lexie, Thomas, David D, and many others.
On Sunday evening, Bart and Josiah and I went to see Casino Royale. I'm not sure what I was expecting... but it was good. I was worried that it might be stupid like the last few Bond movies, but it wasn't. I'll admit this new guy they have playing Bond is not a "pretty-boy" sort of debonair... but he's definitely believable as Bond. Plus: Aston Martins!

My family is coming down to SoCal for Thanksgiving! I am excited about that. It'll be good.
I have much to be thankful for, as always.

To close: Caedmon's Call rocks!

"Sometimes I fear maybe I'm not chosen
You've hardened my heart like Pharaoh
And that would explain why life is so hard for me.

And I am sad that Esau hated
Crying against what's fated
Saying father please, is there any left for me

(chorus)
Cast down my doubts, please prove me wrong
'Cause these demons can be so headstrong
Make my walls fall, please prove me wrong
'Cause this resentment's been building
Burn them up with your fire so strong
If you can before I baal, please prove me wrong.

I fear maybe this is all just a game
Our friends and our families all play too -
Harness the young and give some comfort to the old

Don't let my doubts prove true
Draw me close and hold me near to you
Keep me still until the day you...
Cast down my doubts, please prove me wrong"

Derek Webb has done some music on his own, now, but vintage Caedmon's Call will always be close to my heart. :-)

Molasses

2006-11-14T19:54:00.000-08:00

Cookies!

I baked them this weekend. That's right. Molasses cookies. Made by me. And they were yummy. So there. :-)

Also, Bart and Buck and myself have sort of established a dinner-on-Sunday thing which has been pretty darn awesome.

And the entropy of my Lego collection continues to decrease. It's so relaxing! And it's a nice change from the usual pattern in my life, in which everything I try to do fails and falls apart.

God is good. It's funny how it's gotten so that even in my (thankfully-getting-rarer, and no, I'm not in one now) tired and depressed states I can still be very theologically correct and really in a good place about things. God gives us no guarantees except life, love, and his presence with us - I wind up sad only when I get unsatisfied with that. But it's all on his terms, and rightfully so. I've done too many things on my own to be surprised each time it flops. And I've gotten used to falling on my face, back (as Audio Adrenaline might put it) "to the place I should have started from."
People may remind me that I deserve good things; but I don't. People may say it's just a season of my life - but history is full of examples of people who wound up far worse off than I am on my worst day, and suffered prison and death - and they were just as loved by God as I, and God was no less faithful to them - even Jesus prayed that his cup might pass from him.
So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm glad for what God has given me, and I am thankful that he's brought me to a place where my mental response to the thought "God, what do you think you're doing, have you forgotten about me?" quickly comes back "Of course he loves me - Jesus, keep the Devil out of my life." Because, let's face it, I'm an idiot, slow like molasses, and I stick my foot in my mouth all the time (metaphorically speaking)... I screw things up enough without much in the way of satan's help. But God's in the business of straightening crooked things, and making things right that are broken and marred.

"God loves broken hearts
and faith like a child
so now here I come
with just a broken heart
and faith like a child."

Even the smallest good thing in my life, from molasses cookies to Lego to sunsets to the Supertones to Bart and Buck and all my friends - all are exactly where, when, and why God's seen fit to put them in my life, and He works it so that I am healthier, more myself, and closer to Him as a result. (Bart and Buck are both blessings that are admittedly not so small in relation to me.) :-)

I look forward to hopefully being a similar blessing in your life soon!

Day and Night

2006-11-07T22:39:00.000-08:00

The other day I made playlists for my iPod, entitled "Daytime Driving" and "Night Driving." I've been driving in both conditions and sorted out some of my songs accordingly. Buck asked the valid question, "What makes a song a night-driving song versus a daytime-driving song?" and I've been thinking about that. I have always just kinda known. :-)

The easiest way to explain is with examples. So here are some highlights from my Daytime and Nighttime playlists. Perhaps you will recognize the songs, perhaps not. I usually leave these lists on 'shuffle' so these aren't necessarily in listening-order:

Daytime Driving:
Listen to the Music - Doobie Brothers
It's a Beautiful Life - Ace of Base
Daring Daylight Escape - Caedmon's Call
Solidarity - Five Iron Frenzy
Holiday - Green Day
Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Story in Your Eyes - Moody Blues
Take Me to Your Leader - Newsboys
Dune Buggy - Presidents of the USA
Someday - Sugar Ray
Beautiful Day - U2

Compare the above list with

Nighttime Driving:
Ride - Cary Brothers
Overkill - Colin Hay
Hitch a Ride - Boston
Clocks - Coldplay
Heaven - Delirious?
Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts
Somebody's Watching - Chris Rice
Fade to Grey - Jars of Clay
Perfect Situation - Weezer
Elle G. - Newsboys
Damien - DMX
Hemmorhage - Fuel
On Fire - Switchfoot
1000 Miles an Hour - Ok Go
23 - Jimmy Eat World
Winding Road - Bonnie Summerville

The night songs aren't necessarily slower... they seem more reflective in tone, though. If anybody can find a pattern, let me know. And yes, they're all good songs, so there's that. :-)

Now you're all going to have to find excuses to hang around me in the day or night and drive places. :-)

Nightmare

2006-11-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

For your perusal - an essay (not by me):

Nightmare

A SUNSET of copper and gold had just broken down and gone
to pieces in the west, and grey colours were crawling over
everything in earth and heaven; also a wind was growing,
a wind that laid a cold finger upon flesh and spirit.
The bushes at the back of my garden began to whisper
like conspirators; and then to wave like wild hands in signal.
I was trying to read by the last light that died on the lawn
a long poem of the decadent period, a poem about the old gods
of Babylon and Egypt, about their blazing and obscene temples,
their cruel and colossal faces.

"Or didst thou love the God of Flies who plagued
the Hebrews and was splashed
With wine unto the waist, or Pasht who had green
beryls for her eyes?"

I read this poem because I had to review it for the Daily News; still it
was genuine poetry of its kind. It really gave out an atmosphere, a fragrant and suffocating smoke that seemed really to come from the Bondage of Egypt or the Burden of Tyre. There is not much in common (thank God)between my garden with the grey-green English sky-line beyond it, and these mad visions of painted palaces, huge, headless idols and monstrous solitudes of red or golden sand. Nevertheless (as I confessed to myself)I can fancy in such a stormy twilight some such smell of death and fear. The ruined sunset really looks like one of their ruined temples:
a shattered heap of gold and green marble. A black flapping thing detaches itself from one of the sombre trees and flutters to another. I know not if it is owl or flittermouse; I could fancy it was a black cherub, an infernal cherub of darkness, not with the wings of a bird and the head of a baby, but with the head of a goblin and the wings of a bat. I think, if there were light enough, I could sit here and write some very creditable creepy tale, about how I went up the crooked road
beyond the church and met Something-say a dog, a dog with one eye. Then I should meet a horse, perhaps, a horse without a rider; the horse also would have one eye. Then the inhuman silence would be broken; I should meet a man (need I say, a one-eyed man?) who would ask me the way to my own house. Or perhaps tell me that it was burnt to the ground. I think I could tell a very cosy little tale along some such lines.
Or I might dream of climbing for ever the tall dark trees above me. They are so tall that I feel as if I should find at their tops the nests of the angels; but in this mood they would be dark and dreadful angels; angels of death.

* * * *

Only, you see, this mood is all bosh. I do not believe it in the least. That one-eyed universe, with its one-eyed men and beasts, was only created with one universal wink. At the top of the tragic trees I should not find the Angel's Nest. I should only find the Mare's Nest; the dreamy and divine nest is not there.
In the Mare's Nest I shall discover that dim, enormous opalescent egg from which is hatched the Nightmare. For there is nothing so delightful as a nightmare-when you know it is a nightmare.

That is the essential. That is the stern condition laid upon all artists touching this luxury of fear. The terror must be fundamentally frivolous. Sanity may play with insanity; but insanity must not be allowed to play with sanity.
Let such poets as the one I was reading in the garden, by all means, be free to imagine what outrageous deities and violent landscapes they like. By all means let them wander freely amid their opium pinnacles and perspectives. But these huge gods, these high cities, are toys; they must never for an instant be allowed to be anything else. Man, a gigantic child, must play with Babylon and Nineveh, with Isis and with Ashtaroth. By all means let him dream of the Bondage of Egypt, so long as he is free from it. By all means let him take up the Burden of Tyre, so long as he can
take it lightly. But the old gods must be his dolls, not his idols. His central sanctities, his true possessions, should be Christian and simple. And just as a child would cherish most a wooden horse or a sword that is a mere cross of wood, so man, the great child, must cherish most the old plain things of poetry and piety; that horse of wood that was the epic end of Ilium, or that cross of wood that redeemed and conquered the world.

* * * *

In one of Stevenson's letters there is a characteristically humorous
remark about the appalling impression produced on him in childhood
by the beasts with many eyes in the Book of Revelations: "If that
was heaven, what in the name of Davy Jones was hell like?"
Now in sober truth there is a magnificent idea in these monsters
of the Apocalypse. It is, I suppose, the idea that beings
really more beautiful or more universal than we are might appear
to us frightful and even confused. Especially they might
seem to have senses at once more multiplex and more staring;
an idea very imaginatively seized in the multitude of eyes.
I like those monsters beneath the throne very much.
It is when one of them goes wandering in deserts and finds a throne
for himself that evil faiths begin, and there is (literally) the
devil to pay-to pay in dancing girls or human sacrifice.
As long as those misshapen elemental powers are around the throne,
remember that the thing that they worship is the likeness
of the appearance of a man.

That is, I fancy, the true doctrine on the subject of Tales
of Terror and such things, which unless a man of letters do well
and truly believe, without doubt he will end by blowing his brains
out or by writing badly. Man, the central pillar of the world
must be upright and straight; around him all the trees and beasts
and elements and devils may crook and curl like smoke if they choose.
All really imaginative literature is only the contrast between
the weird curves of Nature and the straightness of the soul.
Man may behold what ugliness he likes if he is sure that he will
not worship it; but there are some so weak that they will
worship a thing only because it is ugly. These must be chained
to the beautiful. It is not always wrong even to go, like Dante,
to the brink of the lowest promontory and look down at hell.
It is when you look up at hell that a serious miscalculation has
probably been made.

* * * *

Therefore I see no wrong in riding with the Nightmare to-night;
she whinnies to me from the rocking tree-tops and the roaring wind;
I will catch her and ride her through the awful air.
Woods and weeds are alike tugging at the roots in the rising tempest,
as if all wished to fly with us over the moon, like that wild,
amorous cow whose child was the Moon-Calf. We will rise to
that mad infinite where there is neither up nor down, the high
topsy-turveydom of the heavens. I will ride on the Nightmare;
but she shall not ride on me.

--G.K.Chesterton

Needless to say, I love this guy. Perhaps I will post more of his writings - they are also free online at Project Gutenberg.

College pays off

2006-10-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

My boss had a picnic today at his house, for people from the department and their families. It was a lot of fun - it was nice to see people in some of their usual context, rather than just at work.

Around the table I was at for dinner, we had myself and Tim (probably the only other Californian there, he graduated from Oxy a while back); Khanh and her sister Hannah, who both grew up in Vietnam; Ben and his wife Veronique, who moved here from Belgium just a few weeks ago; Handy, who grew up in Indonesia; and Srikant, my supervisor, who is from India of course. So much fun!
My time at college paid off - I beat Srikant at a game of ping-pong. We'll see whether or not that was the right thing to do, I suppose... ;-)

Claremont folks need to hurry up and graduate so they can have weekends free sometime. :-)

Assortedness...

2006-10-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

That's the problem with posting once a week... each time, I end up with five completely different things to share, and have to stick them all in one post.

This last week:
I've discovered that "Quantum Leap" was another good thing that came out of the '80s... somehow I missed it the first time around.

We made some more good progress on my project at work! Always a good feeling.

I played with Lego again! This time, with Ben S., Bart, Josiah, Tessa, Matthew J., and even Colleen and Kristin. Check out our table o'creations:

Josiah apparently grew up with a careful and well-thought-out approach to Legos... he showed me the brilliant idea of dumping the Legos on a towel on the floor, making cleanup much easier, and allowing for more piece-finding surface area. Yay Josiah!

And, Ben C's birthday was Saturday - it was a grand gathering of graceful glad girls and boisterous boys. Lots of fun was had by all, and at least 3 people were showered. Including Mina, for the first time. He had it coming. :-) I was excited to be around for the party. Yay Claremont!

Lastly, this is a well-written article on the "New Atheism." http://www.wired.com/news/wiredmag/0,71985-0.html?tw=rss.index
I have a lot I could say about this. First, read it, it's good stuff, I promise.

I like what he has to say about "certainty." The fundamentalist christians have it... and yet their faith seems shallow, Pharisaical, and sensationalist. The "New Atheists" have it... and they come off as lovers of themselves: arrogant, boring, and falsely intellectual. Both rub the author the wrong way... and rightly so! Insincere faith and sincere error are both somehow nauseating to anyone who has given their spirituality a second glance. To both we must say, "look harder! If you believe, why? If not, why? Can you honestly be a whole person, and wholly satisfied, where you are?"
Faith is weak in those who need certainties. The Christians who read this may say, "what?" at this point. But God is not insecure. He's not in the business of giving out proof any more than he already has. And the whole idea of a Christian's walk with God is the process of becoming more confident that God IS, as we lean upon his love and the things he says, and as we get to know him and love him better... but I don't think God ever lets us be certain. He is always faithful; he'll never forsake us, and this cosmic war has a definite way it will end, but he wants people who will love him and trust him even when things look darkest.
So you will go through dark times - if you are blessed.

And if you have never questioned your faith, if you have never once thought, "do I know that?", and if you have never realized that every single day you must make the choice, saying, "there is no way I can know for sure I am right, or that things will turn out peachy, but I will lean on what I think is true of You" - then you are missing out.
The true Christian has tasted and seen that when you lean on God and Jesus, things do happen, and there is a peace there that is beyond any understanding. The Atheist makes the choice that what is true is that there is no God... and I imagine he is rarely surprised to find God absent from his life. The agnostic, though, never knows the fullness or emptiness of either. Similarly, some modern christians never really go out on a limb to take God at his word, and they wonder why their persecution takes the form of ridicule, and why Christianity has such a bad name despite figures like MLK Jr., Ma Teresa, and Bono being so widely respected.

Whew.

I've had plenty of other thoughts fluttering through my head lately - about blessings and cursings, about social justice at IV: Claremont, and about whether or not my cell phone is broken. (call, people!) :-)

Much love to you all! Love above all - it's what atheists forget about, it's what agnostics have trouble accepting, and it's what every person has been given freely by God.

snapshot...

2006-10-14T20:49:00.000-07:00

It's a Saturday night again and I have no plans. I've been playing my bass and relaxing, but that is not really what I'd wanted to relate:

A little while back, I'd heard that Love Actually is a good movie, and had thus put it on my netflix queue, and in the fullness of time, it arrived in my mailbox. Now, though, I am sitting here at home, not really wanting to watch it, just because I've got no one to watch it with. I fear that watching Love Actually by myself might end up in the running for my "Saddest Moment Ever."

So am I still a Romantic, because I wait to watch it? Would I be wasting my money if I sent it back unwatched? Why trouble my soul over what is arguably just a movie?

For the record, I must confess I watched Must Love Dogs last weekend, by myself. It's a cute movie, and I think that of all the leading men in the world of romantic comedies, I am probably most similar to John Cusack. What do you think?

And I'd agree with his character in the movie that "hearts grow back bigger." :-)

Lastly, I was reading some AW Tozer this morning, and came across this interesting bit:
"We may as well face it: the whole level of spirituality among us is low. We have measured ourselves by ourselves until the incentive to seek higher plateaus in the things of the Spirit is all but gone." - Of God and Men, p. 12.

Questioning

2006-10-08T23:12:00.000-07:00

So I guess North Korea may have nukes soon. Whee...

Colbert had a nice segment a while back on why China should pursue "regime change" for N. Korea, for the purpose of stepping into a global-superpower role like the US. He was just being funny, but it may actually be the best option for them now. At least we can be pretty sure there are WMDs there. It's kind of scary sometimes how stuff from Colbert and the Daily Show ends up happening... I suppose it's still true today that people have to just laugh at the truth, or else they'll end up crying.

I'm curious... I've been thinking a lot lately, and want to know what you, the readers, think an average Joe like myself can do to help reverse these trends in the world, and also in our own government. (For the record, I'm fully aware that November is just around the corner, but I'm looking for a deeper answer here than just "elect Democrats" or "elect Republicans.")

It's almost enough to make one just want to pack up and head off to do missions work in someplace that is a little less... nuke-worthy. I hear India, Ghana, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, and Iowa are all great places for settling in and just being about His work. At the same time, though, one starts feeling the weight of the potential for millions of people to die. On the one hand, a person can only really love, and only really do what is right, with the people close by in their life, wherever that may be. This is all God asks. But on the other hand, this world is shrinking quickly - how long before it implodes? Again, for the record, I'm hardly hating on the US - I love it here, and I'm glad there's places in the world where "people's republic" is not a joke, and religious freedom is actually given, and cops don't have to carry around machine guns all the time.

In addition, I'd like to "settle down" just as much as anybody. Have a family, a little house, a good community, a ministry/job that helps people in a significant way... I really would love for God to put these things in my life. Now accepting applications... :-) I could be very happy - pretty much anywhere, from England to Costa Rica, from Kenya to Canada.

In the meanwhile, though... how much is my one life really worth? I may never end up finding somebody to settle down with, and I may never find a community of people who really care, and I may wind up never finding a job or ministry that really feels right. But I have a lot of love to give, and a decent brain, and a body that may need more time at the gym, but that can still stand beside people. And I'd like to make sure that even if none of that other good stuff happens to me, that I'm at least doing something worthwhile, and that at least God knows that He can do whatever with me.

So what is there to do?

the soundtrack of my life...

2006-10-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

now has a bass line! :-)

My acoustic-electric bass arrived today and so I've been messing around on that. it's exciting! Any requests?

I've been meaning to get a haircut, since I need one rather badly. However, I am not sure that would be in keeping with my new bass-player persona. ;-)

Things at work have been super busy. I'm seriously running around lab on a tight schedule, partly imposed by myself, partly imposed by the chemistry we're doing. It's crazy. I am very glad that tomorrow is Friday.

Speaking of which... anybody want to hang out at Zephyr's tomorrow night? or perhaps get into other mischief?

Weekend Update, with Jordy

2006-09-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

First off, the week in review:

Last weekend I saw "The Last Kiss," that new Zach Braff movie. Rather than say anything here that would spoil it for anybody, I'll keep my comments brief:
It's not an easily-likable film. But it's an excellent film. As I remarked to Jon today, "It's the kind of movie that should have warning labels on it (in the same way that the Bible should), because if you're not careful, it'll make you think about your own life and your own relationships. And who likes to do that?" ;-) I thought it was a great film, better than Garden State, as once again Zach Braff is in tune with my life and psyche. He is me, except with better hair and slightly more eclectic taste in music.

I got two new bookcases! of the small-ish variety. Also, some 400 ct. sheets (and matching pillowcases) to go on my new bed. photos soon, I promise. You would not believe how clean my room is - there are actually TWO separate routes from the door to the window.

At lunch, at work, we've been playing Diplomacy! And it's not even my copy of the game! After eating and hanging out, we really only get a turn in each day (3 so far), but it's fun stuff.

At work, one of my less intensive but tough tests of a tape involves sticking one end to a vertical metal panel, and hanging a weight from the other end, and starting a timer (that stops when the weight falls on a switch). Previously, we've had adhesive samples just slide off as soon as the weight was hung. But this week, we had two samples pass 10,000 minutes, which is the usual max-recorded-time for the test. It was good stuff.

I got Netflix this last week. So I've been watching more "House" and now have "Brick" and "Nanny McPhee" out. It's a nice service. If anybody has requests, recommendations, or just wants to watch something random with me, let me know. (There's even some of those great old silent films in their library!) :-) Pop quiz: what's your favorite movie?

Things to be done this weekend:
Get a haircut. I am looking Einsteinish again.
See people. I am behind on everybody, and it doesn't help that some peoples are obsessed with this "homework" stuff (shortened to just "work" after graduation, I suppose?) :-)

Notes

2006-09-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Some notes, errata, and cetera from recent days...

I've switched my mouse over to left-handed at work, for a change of pace and to change my default posture for sitting and staring at the computer.

The TV show "House" is very addicting. Also, "The Office" is back! The season premiere is funny and painful at the same time, as always.

We've been having some small measure of success at work on my project! Whee!

Getting to see Robbie G. last weekend and some other old alumni-types was very nice. Also, I got to meet a very new person, Nathan Brock, which was cool as well.

I saw the word "fenestration" in a journal article the other day, and was happy.

Two things have gotten me kinda excited about the future lately. One is a school that is across the street from my house, which looks kinda run-down. Maybe I will one day work there and help make it cool. The second thing is that maybe I will learn to play bass. I think that'd be fun, and have nothing stopping me except not having actually bought the instrument yet.

Lately I've had too much to think.
Who wants to do something this weekend?

Perfect Situation

2006-09-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

Impassioned words from Weezer, overheard on the drive home:

"Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
The rest of the days of the earth."

Yup.

a story in pictures... with Lego!

2006-09-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

So, I pulled out my Legos tonight because I was kinda bored. Here is what happened:

Fig. 1: Our heroes!

From left to right, they are Jean-Claude the ranger, George the wannabe knight, Allard the guy who fireballs people, Porthos the druid and his trusty sidekick Kong, and of course the guy with the huge axe is Kyrksvykkggnyn the barbarian. They are about to wade across a stream to face:

Fig. 2: The Evil Baron! And his horse. Note that he is awesome. And dangerous. Mainly because he knows something our heroes do not -

Fig. 3: The Imperial AT-ST Walker that had been cloaked behind our beloved heroes.

So, this is quite the pickle. However, our heroes planned ahead and know something (or rather, someone) that the Evil Baron has forgotten to take into consideration:

Fig. 4: Chewie!

So, needless to say, the Evil Baron was defeated. Soundly. In the skirmish.

The moral of this tale is that LEGOS ARE GREAT! There may have to be a Lego party at my house in the near-ish future.

Fig. 5: Inspired yet? I counted... I have just over 200 Lego heads. The fact that they are neatly stacked may be slightly disturbing to the casual observer... but hey, at least it keeps them organized. (And no, that wasn't counting R2D2, who is currently near the front of the pile of bodies.) :-)

I hope your evening was even half as fun as mine was!

not quite

2006-09-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

In the course of weighing things today, I ran across 0.1338, and 0.1332. No 1337, though, sadly. I also came across an 0.1024, an 0.1066, and an o.1123, and good for you if you know the significance of those sequences (after the decimal point). Come to think of it, the associations with each kinda highlight my uniqueness as a person, so good luck with that. :-p All that would be needed to complete the set would be an 0.6022, an 0.1774, and an 0.4449. Go ahead and try your hand at those, too.

So yeah, it was a pretty boring Tuesday. I do what I can.

In other news, my mattress for my new bed won't get here until Saturday. Also, our washing-machine died with incredibly poor timing, so if I kinda smell, it is because I am in the process of experimentally verifying Greg's theory that dirt travels upwards, and thus clothes on the bottom of a pile of dirty clothes become clean again.

Also, this last weekend I didn't head to Claremont! aren't you proud of me?

I did end up seeing "The Illusionist," which I can recommend easily. Good ol' Vienna in the late 1800s. It's a good tale, and you can tell from about the time the tree disappears that it's just going to be a fun ride. There are two kinds of movies that I like: well-scripted movies, and well-acted personality movies - this wasn't a great movie by either standard, but it had good amounts in both categories, which still puts it a ways above the bar.

I also saw "Little Miss Sunshine." This movie is just... kinda weird. Good weird. Kinda like something Woody Allen would have been in, but better because he's not actually in it. It's a comedy, but a realistic comedy... the phrase "dark comedy" doesn't apply to things that seem to happen to most families, right?

Anyhow, I'm off. See ya later, alligators.

good question

2006-09-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

As a pastor I know would say, the thing to say is not "I wish my circumstances would change" but rather "God, what am I supposed to learn from this? How can I change, or be more faithful to you where I'm at?"

additional?

2006-09-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

Well, in the interests of balancing out the last post somewhat, on the plus side, I'm: funny, patient, caring, and trusting. I'm peace-loving and gracious, helpful and generous.

So there. :-)

It's just that I imagine that of the people reading this, I'm the one most frustrated to see me yet again (still?) in a place of not being happy with myself and lacking confidence.

ready... aim...

2006-09-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

I feel like I shoot myself in the foot. I am a very open guy... which is a good thing. But who wants to be with a guy who doesn't have some air of mystery? One can't idealize somebody you know already.

Similarly, I'm stable. I have a job, car, and place to live... none of which I'm excited about. How should I expect somebody else to be excited about sharing this life with me? I want to have adventures that don't consist just of my car breaking down. I want something both exciting and good, but that may be too much to ask. In talking to my sister, I realized that I have another 5 or 10 years to wait before just "being stable" becomes attractive to anybody. And yeah, I'm not even sure I want it for myself.

Which brings me to: lastly, I'm not too fond of myself. I don't exercise much, but I haven't found anything that would motivate me to do so except just for the sake of maybe being more(?) attractive. I'd like romance in my life, but I can't dance, I always say the exact wrong thing, and work keeps me pretty darn busy and tired. I have a lot of bad habits... how should I expect anybody to want to want to deal with me and all my baggage? I don't even know where I'm going in life or what God has been up to over the last few years (though it's not for lack of asking). On the plus side, I always count it as a great blessing whenever people can be patient with me and can look past all this junk (which, ironically, includes my semi-depressed ramblings like this one).

At least I know Jesus loves me. I may have no plans, no ambition, and no special skills, talents, or attractiveness... but at least I have some hope of life and love with God. That's already way more than I deserve. So life is livable, at least, even if it's just me being spent for the sake of others and for the sake of somehow God being glorified in my weakness and failures. It may be broken and crappy, but at least He says it will not be futile or unbearable.

well, the long weekend is about over.

2006-09-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

It was a good evening for a walk and a swing on the porch-swing thing at the Grove House.
Now I'm back in lovely Pasadena. I find it kinda sad that Claremont students are surrounded by such beauty (in both the environment, and the people) but have such little time to experience it. I think today was the first day I've ever spent around the 5-Cs in which I felt like I didn't have to be doing something. I am glad for people with whom to talk, pray, and enjoy the days we've been given. But I had plenty to mull over, no fear:

"How long before I get in
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide or
Before I know what it feels like?
Where to, where do I go?
If you never try then you'll never know
How long do I have to climb
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?"
- Coldplay

"You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
- U2, of course.

LFG?

2006-08-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

Looking for somebody to share evening walks around Pasadena (walks and occasional jogs are my new hobby, I think, now that the weather is milder again). Or somewhere else nice, where lamp-posts turn on and illuminate the undersides of willows, and there's also some breaks in the lighting and the foliage so you can see Cygnus, Draco, and the Little Dipper.
It's good stuff.

Almost bed-time.

2006-08-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

well, my friends, I have bought a bed. It's a big step for me - floor-sleeping has been getting old, though.

This last weekend I went home! thus my relative internet-silence. I got to see my sister, who is now 21! Yay! and my parents, who are awesome! and my three dogs, who were glad to see me. Also Rosie and some other random people from Kings' - catching up after four-ish years of college, and a year of other-stuff, all in one lunchtime, was rather difficult. But I think we did it. :-)

And, I got introduced to some funny shows on TV, thanks to my sister - Monk, Psych, and House, to be specific. I think "Psych" was my favorite - this guy pretends to be psychic, but really he's just above-average at noticing details - the reason for pretending is that he has to get the police to listen to him somehow. It's hilarious. His ego is great, too - he's a show-off, and his friend is like, "you were just showing off for that girl!" and he replies, "What was I supposed to do, NOT impress her?" He pulls a ton of crazy stuff and somehow gets away with it, and it's very entertaining.

But alas, I'm back in LA, and it's hot, and it's another normal work-week. This weekend, though, Claremont-types will be back at school! I'm looking forward to that, tormenting them once more with my lack of homework and witty ripostes that leave them speechless. Okay, well, at least being weird and nerdy with them. Most are past needing my help with homework, but maybe I could be a character reference... maybe. :-)

Anyhow, as per usual, if any claremont folks read this and need a ride from ONT this weekend, just let me know.

One of my friends and I were discussing the follies of the English language (there are many), and so I'll leave you with this memorable exchange:
her: "Though should be pronounced 'thuff,' like 'rough'"
me: "Ah, as in 'being thoruff'?"
her: "right, 'cough' would be 'cuff' and 'bough' would be 'buff'"
me: "those are taken already"
her: "hm... problems"
me: "well, we'll just have to accept English for what it is, quirks and all."
her: "you're right, enough is enuff. ;)"

I'm good at being a stooge, what can I say. :-)

Ok Go.

2006-08-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking it's really too bad this wasn't around back when I was in Suite Jesus… have we missed our chance to still do this, guys?

For any of you who haven't seen the dancing awesomeness that is Ok Go, here are two of their music videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bav63MWNUKg - them in the backyard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI – dancing on treadmills.

So cool.

one of those things.

2006-08-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

Reply with your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that associates with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest/funniest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.

Two incredibly different movies...

2006-08-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

are Howl's Moving Castle, and Talladega Nights. I hung out with James, Michy, Brian, Buck, and Krislin on Saturday, and we saw Howl's Moving Castle. It was great! The cast of characters was very eccentric and endearing. I am a fan of grey hair, shooting stars, shaggy dogs, and scarecrows.

Talladega Nights was, well, a Will Ferrell movie. It was about what I was expecting, and I did not have overly-high expectations - it was funny in that, "whoa" sense. As in, "hm, they're setting themselves up for ridiculous situation... and yup, much ridiculousness is occurring, right on schedule." Thankfully, I went and saw it with Bart and Josiah, with whom I can always enjoy any movie thoroughly.

I get to go home in a week and a half! Does anybody want to take me to LAX next wednesday night? :-)

hm.

2006-08-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

It's the Matrix... in a glass of water.

I suppose it's cooler in person.

Whatever.

In other news, my sister came to visit me, my work, and my apartment this afternoon! It was good to see her (and to meet her "Bavarian Beau" (as Buck put it)).

And, I am very glad this week is over. It has been very long.

the Parrot of Destruction strikes again!

2006-07-28T17:32:00.000-07:00

So Dell had this random contest in which you can design a simple "skin" for the back of a laptop display.

It was hard to be really creative because it gave you pregenerated shapes and colors - a whole mess of random stuff. You could only move, enlarge or shrink, or delete shapes. You couldn't add a shape or change a color once it had generated the beginning random junk. But, this was my creation - the Parrot of Destruction. Here's hoping it wins their contest and makes it onto peoples' laptops for real. :-)

Good conversation

2006-07-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine has been involved in a production of "The Music Man" this summer. We were talking, and she'd mentioned she was off to Iowa soon, so of course:

Me: Iowa? I thought you were from Garey, Indiana?!! Besides, I hear there's trouble in River City.

Her: Oh, we've got trouble, all right. And I'm sure you already know what letter "trouble" starts with...

Me: Trouble that starts with "t" which rhymes with "p" and that stands for "pool" - all of which implies that the trouble in River City is much like the trouble here: that it is Ridiculously Hot outside, and one must go jump in a pool to cool off. That is the only solution. Either that or it's trouble that starts with "t" which rhymes with "b" and that stands for "Billiards."

Her: I commend you for that very thorough analysis of the Trouble song. How very Mudderish of you. Well, you know what they say about Mudders-they are like no udders. ;)

Me: You may be surprised to learn that rather than do a chemistry-related thesis, I chose to do one entitled: "Trouble in River City: Charismatic Leadership, Misdirection, and Moral Politics in the Post-9/11 Midwest."

See?

2006-07-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

Not that bad at all. The little black rubber side-bumper did its job, and there's some white paint-marks below it and one or two above it. But there's no "dent" at all. Amazing.

The streaks in the foreground are finger-marks, serving only to illustrate how badly my car needs a wash. :-) Five minutes of hot So. Cal. rain just get everything filthy.

The good news is,

2006-07-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

I'm fine. And so is my car. I mean, it has some paint from some guy's minivan on it, but other than that, we're fine. I was picking up Melinda and Joe from LAX tonight and this minivan decided it wanted to be in my lane... right where I was. Thankfully, we were not going that fast. Neither car was even dented, I was amazed. It made kind of an "errrrrr" sound... but I guess that's what minivan bumpers and the Geo's side-panels are made to spring back from. God was watching out for us - the owner of the minivan was a nice older guy and the minivan was 13 years old itself, and there was no real damage to his car either... so we just let it go.

My poor Geo, though. Between the heat and half-rain this weekend, and now a new stripe on the door, it's looking kinda sad. Anybody want to repaint my car for me? Or else, just wash it? :-)

In other news, nobody tell me anything more about Lady in the Water or Pirates of the Carribean: DMC. I will just go see them sometime and if they stink, they stink, oh well. But I'd rather keep an open mind. And, does anybody want to go with me?

I'm thinking of starting a "random Claremont alumni in LA" club - if anybody had ideas to keep from being bored, they can just submit them and we'll set a time and place and see who shows up. :-)

Another week gone by...

2006-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

And I wonder how much I have to show for it. This summer feels like it's going by so quickly, and I keep trying futilely to hold onto time. It really does just slip by. And it's not like I'll hit September and suddenly things will be changed again - rather, work will continue on the same as always and as hard as I try to hold onto being 24, that too will pass soon.

I think part of what I'm experiencing is not being in love. I have been, before - when one is in love, even just sitting around at home can be quality time, and one looks forward to every evening walk or trip to the store. Rain cannot dampen one's spirits. I'd like to be in love, again, and it's kind of sad to think that I don't have those years to live over again, and that perhaps I never will be in love again.

On the other hand, I'm really not in such a bad state as the preceding paragraph might sound. I'm not depressed; nor am I desperate (though, I have this thing where I like people, and like being around people, and yet I'm an introvert and have no social skills - so I probably come off pretty needy. Whatever. I got over getting weird looks a long time ago.) Anyhow, as I was saying, I've been thinking lately and thanking God for a lot of things. It's been good to just be childlike with him. It's been freeing to know that even if I am circumstantially stuck for the rest of my life, however long that is, that I would not be ineligible to hear "well done, good and faithful servant." I do pray he'd give me more direction and closer community to pursue him in, but I get the feeling that that may just be me being selfish. Either way, it's up to God.

Which highlights another difference between me and past-me: that I've learned some lessons along the way. It may sound funny for me to say, "oh, I'm so wise" because really, I have a long way to go before I really internalize even half of what I "know" about God. But it's been good to rest on what I do know. For instance, I don't have to "find somebody" - that's God's job, if he wants me with somebody. That takes some pressure off. And another example might be knowing to just tell things to God. You out there in internet-land may think you're getting the scoop on my life, but really God has heard all this clunking around in my brain for a long time now. So anyhow, I have a lot of hope, because I have a better sense of who God is.

Also, Greggy once told me of a guy whose theory was that the longer a guy stays single, the weirder he gets. I have found this to be true. :-) And I don't mind. I'm more me than I was.

And through it all, I have held onto God, and that's one thing I definitely don't regret. I can look back and say I have a better idea now of who I am and who God is.

May I keep finding ways to live it out well.

"Not long after my rescue,
I let my failures get me down.
My sin had robbed me of the joy I had in you -
Then you saved me from that too.

Now all I wanna do is talk about Your grace
I don't wanna go unless I go Your way
Get a little closer to You every day
I'm gonna turn around and go Your way."


"I'm learning that nothing worth anything is cheap.
I'm learning the path is thin and the grade is steep,
and that the altars where we lay ourselves will crack when tested
and that there's only one that turns our hearts to gold.

Hold on to Jesus
tell Him about everything -
your dreams and your troubles;
pure hearts desire one thing
and mine is to know You,
mine is to break down
and shatter to pieces
and lose everything I've found."

(guess who)

Courtesy of "Married to the Sea"

2006-07-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

Happenings.

2006-07-11T18:35:00.000-07:00

I suppose it's been a little while. I have good excuses, my adoring public, regarding why I haven't been posting more...

Saturday of July 4th weekend, my car broke down. A bearing burned out on the right-front wheel while Peter, Kathryn, Mike and I were on our way to the beach. It was quite the bummer. But, I got the chance to hang out around Claremont for the weekend, eating scrumptious food with them and watching fireworks at Pomona on the 4th. It was restful.

I've watched some interesting movies lately - the Russian film "Night Watch" was very weird but overall pretty good, and fun to watch. Yay for Josiah and finding us good movies.

Also, I finally got around to seeing "The Village," that movie from a few years back. Two thumbs up! It was a great movie, suspenseful, engaging, endearing - visually and emotionally involving in all the right ways in all the right places.

I saw it last Friday, which is also when my internet went out. Tonight, it is back - the phone company accidentally pulled some wire, and our line was dead, but now it's been fixed.

I wish I could say the same for my car. I got it back last Wednesday, with bearings replaced and all, so it's driveable, but over the course of the last week I've noticed an odd noise that it didn't used to make. So, this weekend, it's back to the shop... and I'm going to minimize the amount of driving I do before then.

Random other news (it seems to be the only kind I have, huh):

John Matsui invited me to go with him to England in February of 2008. I currently have no other plans, and would really like to see the UK at some point anyhow... so it's penciled in. :-)

I correctly predicted that if Italy won the World Cup, Stephen Colbert would make a huge deal out of how the US was co-champions (since we tied with Italy, previously).

I like getting mail, especially awesome postcards with cute pictures on them.

LAUP visiting day is this Saturday! but my car will be in the shop! who else is going, and has an extra seat? (to either, or both!)

I seriously need to get more exercise. :-(

Has anybody else had odd friends recommend you watch PCD music videos? You've got to be kidding me.

I've gotten to play the game "Broadside" twice in the last few weeks! Such a cool board game. My record as the British is 1/1, though. :-)

Pomegranite frappucinos? Ugggh.

I picked up a copy of "The Princess Bride" on DVD! Who wants to watch it with me?

Cooking for just myself is so boring and unfun. What do you do when you're an introvert and yet you don't really like your own company?

Have I mentioned that the Supertones resonate with my soul?

2006-06-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

Do you need someone?
Are you like me?
Do you fall apart?
Yeah, just like me.

Have there been times?
You felt so low?
Don't you forget
You're not alone

Angels are standing by your bed
Jesus is watching over you
He'll never leave that's what he said
Is that what you want cuz I know I do

I want love love love
I want perfect love. (X3)

Well I pretend
I just need me
I seem so strong
But it's make believe

Cuz I've seen love fail
I've been betrayed
I've seen love pass
I've seen love fade

But I know that God is not that way
He doesn't change from day to day
He doesn't fail he doesn't leave
And I want that so desperately

He loves broken hearts
Faith like a child
And now here I come
With just a broken heart
And faith like a child

I want love love love
I want perfect love.
I want love love love
I want perfect love.
Will someone tell me where to find
Some place to ease my troubled mind.

24 on the 24th

2006-06-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm 24 now. And no, I didn't have 24 shots.
My sister says I'm old. She's coming up on 21 though, and starting to figure out grad-school stuff... THAT makes me feel old. :-)

I got to talk to my parents and my sister on the phone; I also received some fun cards including one with a certain Burninator on it, and one email with the Dr. Seuss birthday poem on it (Guess who that was from!) Hehe. I had a fun evening with some friends out in Claremont - and yup, I got showered. I feel loved. And, we played Seafarers, and I won. :-)

Picture proof that a) Ethan was in town, and that b) I have some freakin' awesome friends.
Shawna is describing some sort of leeching effect, I think:

And now, an excerpt from the poem Mina sent (who else would it have been?):

"Then the moment the Horn's happy honk-honk is heard
Comes a fluttering flap-flap! And then comes the bird!
The Great Birthday Bird!
And, so far as I know,
Katroo is the only place Birthday Birds grow.
The bird has a brain. He's most beautifully brained
With the brainiest bird-brain that's ever been trained.
He was trained by the most splendid Club in this nation
The Katroo Happy Birthday Asso-see-eye-ation."

Lastly but not leastly, my dad submitted some photos of the train layout he made for my sister to a magazine... we'll see if it wins any contests. :-)

Ethan!

2006-06-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I took Eefie B. to LAX tonight; he'd been staying with me the last couple of days. It was great to see him! normally he's off in North Carolina doing grad-school, but he was out here for a few days and he is an awesome guy. Very at-ease-putting, and source of much deep and thoughtful conversation. He, me, Shawna, BT, and Greggy went out to dinner tonight and it was so refreshing.

Cool conversations recently:
"Holland... that's also called the Netherlands, right?"
"Yeah, the Netherlands, that's where Peter Pan lives."
"That's Neverland."
"That's where Michael Jackson lives."
"That's just the Ranch."
"Like the dressing?"

Shawna: "I like rumps."

Cool lyrics discovered recently:

"Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be" - Savin' Me (Nickelback)

"5 AM on a Tuesday - Why am I up so early?
Drive out to Santa Ana ’cause I’ve got jury duty
No breakfast - short tempered
And I cut my head shaving
Ten miles out I hit traffic
Some days just aren’t worth saving

You know I haven’t had the best of days
But I want to stop and thank you anyway

At the courthouse
I waited
And waited then I waited
At lunchtime my car stalled out
I couldn’t get it started
Had a book by C.S. Lewis
I finished the last page and
Slept on my desk for three hours
Just like my high school days

You know I haven’t had the best of days
But I want to stop and thank you anyway
Cuz every single moment whether sleeping or awake
Is your creation
And what you’ve made is good
I don’t always thank you for the rough days and
The hard times in my life
Even though I should." - Jury Duty (The O.C. Supertones)

And... that's what's been up. :-)

random quick Friday-morning thoughts

2006-06-16T08:03:00.000-07:00

"Cars" was extremely excellent. As in, smile-o-rama!

I figured out what was irking me about the whole wiretapping thing. The argument has been that it's only been done against potential terrorists, and not "innocent civilians." The thing is, everybody in the US is an innocent civilian, until proven otherwise.

Jay is gone for the weekend but he'll be back on Sunday, and hopefully moving into his own new place on Monday!

Argentina by 6-0? what the heck?

Off to work! See you on the weekend!

Jay is here!

2006-06-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

So, Jay is in town, looking for a place to live in Pasadena, and meanwhile staying with me! woohoo! Tonight, he was kinda tired from driving in from Montana, so we didn't get to make it to Bible study. But, we stayed in, got some good catch-up time, and he beat me at Broadside. :-)

My presentation to the CEO of Avery went well! It was a good concise description of my project, and I actually didn't end up saying anything stupid. Yay God!

Today, I had the interesting experience of re-interviewing for my job. My job was not on the line; rather, they were training interviewERs, and needed guinea-pig job-candidates. It was good for me to get more practice, reflect upon where I'm at now relative to when I was last interviewing, and that kind of thing. And, it still feels really good to walk out of an interview knowing you made a good impression, even if it was a fake interview. :-)

Summer Reading

2006-06-14T07:57:00.000-07:00

I came across an interesting passage a little unexpectedly the other night, in the introduction to Jane Eyre. The author had just finished the usual thanks at the beginning of books, but then proceeded to turn to another group of people...

"... I mean the timorous or carping few who doubt the tendency of books such as Jane Eyre: in whose eyes whatever is unusual is wrong; whose ears detect in each protest against bigotry - that parent of crime - an insult to piety, that regent of God on earth. I would suggest to such doubters certain obvious distinctions; I would remind them of certain simple truths.
Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last. To pluck the mask from the Pharisee, is not to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns.
These things and deeds are diametrically opposed; they are as distinct as vice is from virtue. Men too often confound them; they should not be confounded: appearance should not be mistaken for truth; narrow human doctrines, that only tend to elate and magnify a few, should not be substituted for the world-redeeming creed of Christ. There is - I repeat it - a difference; and it is a good, and not a bad action to mark broadly and clearly the line of separation between them.
The world may not like to see these ideas dissevered, for it has been accustomed to blend them; finding it convenient to make external show pass for sterling worth - to let white-washed walls vouch for clean shrines."

- Currer Bell (aka Charlotte Bronte), 1847

First off, she has my writing-style; that of using way too many semicolons. Secondly, though - she rocks! It's 150 years later, and what she says is just as true now as it was then. The world has changed much, but has still not discovered the distinction of which she speaks. In the meanwhile, sadly, even those who protest and would de-mask the Pharisee have also assumed they must offend the Crown of Thorns to do so.

Driving...

2006-06-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

So last night was Bible study down at Krislin's place in Long Beach. Good stuff. You probably wouldn't believe how thankful I am that even as a group of mostly graduated folks, we can still spend time together and be friends.

On the drive down, I turned on some Flight 180, and then Five Iron Frenzy... it was a swing/ska extravaganza! So much fun to drive to. And it turns out that once I get warmed up, I can hit some of those high notes that FIF's lead singer does so easily. :-)

And, it's time for work. Enjoy your day, all!

I like games...

2006-06-06T18:44:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight I'm out to the board game club over at Caltech (which any of you would be welcome to come to, by the way). Should be a lot of fun!

A computer update: My computer is rockin'. It now has a remote... for radio/tv. Not that I'll use it as much now that Lost, Scrubs, and The Office are all season-finale'd out. But Colbert and the Daily Show are still going strong. (Particularly, catch the "Gravitas-off" that Colbert had with Stone Phillips last night - so excellent.)
A weather update: it's... cloudy? but hot?
A reading update: The Princess Bride is rockin' as well. I've finished it now, and highly recommend it.

A news update: apparently, a seagull was struck by a pitch at a baseball game earlier today- it swooped between the mound and home plate at just the wrong moment, and was knocked right out of the air - thankfully, it was "stunned, but O.K." according to the reporter. They caught it on tape! :-)

My parents!

2006-06-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

These are my lovely parents. My dad is caught mid-witty-statement. I love them both very much. My mom recently had eye surgery, which, praise God, went very well, and now the cataract in her left eye is pretty much gone. It's like getting a better computer monitor... for all of life.

My dad just found out yesterday that he's going to have to find another job, after working on little British cars at the same shop for 25ish years or so. He's got so many talents, though, that I'm sure he'll find something - one thing I can say about my parents, God has always provided for them.

A radiation leak?

2006-06-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

I took this photo over at Mudd a few weeks back - the flower didn't seem to have an aura in real life, but I think it came out pretty cool.

Take me out to the ball game

2006-06-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

So me and Ricky went to the Dodgers vs. Phillies game last Thursday... 7-2! It was almost 7-0... Dodgers, of course. :-) It was my first baseball game in what must be at least 10 years, I think.

Early one Monday...

2006-06-05T06:29:00.000-07:00

So, here's my new blog. May it be the source of edification, enlightenment, education, entertainment, etc.

On the name: Zao Elpis is Greek for "Lively Hope," which is something that God's given me in the midst of times that should have killed hope.

May I be ever grateful, and ever rejoicing.
And may we all be granted mercy, grace, and peace in abundance!